“Look we gotta talk.”
I know she can feel it, what we have isn’t the same as it used to be. I can’t stand the secrets, tension and worrying anymore—I just have to let her know.
She starts speaking, her face already a sad mask, she doesn’t want me to do this. We aren’t on the same page.
“Damn, I know. I know it’s just something I’ve got to get off my chest.”
She sighs in defeat, making me sadder, I put my hand on her lower back, leading her to a corner where we can seat and talk.
We seat on the same step and she holds my left hand tightly like she never wants to let me go, her eyes pleading with me not to do this.
“Emma, you know I love, but this hasn’t been a walk in the park for us.”
“But we always get past each hurdle together Chris.”
Why is it so hard to do this? I know we’ve lots of history together, I love her and she’ll make the perfect girlfriend, hell a wonderful wife to any straight man, but I know now, she isn’t my one. I still love her dearly, but I’m no longer in love with her.
“Chris, whatever it is we can figure it out together, I don’t want to lose you.”
Tears are falling from her face and her face showing the deep degree of pain she is feeling. Pain that is a necessary end to a mean. I don’t want to hurt her anymore and I can’t let her see me break down because it is killing me that I am the cause of her tears.
“I’ve got to do this Emma, I don’t want to hurt you and I believe I have fallen for someone else…but I don’t know, it’s all messed up.”
I don’t see her face but I hear her. She is inhaling sharply, I feel her body start to shake with her silent sobs and I know I am a bastard.
“What didn’t I do right?”
She asks in a small and broken voice, I crack. I feel myself shattering and the tears start to fall without restraint. She’s my best friend and I’m hurting her by doing this, but I can’t let this go on anymore.
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
This is killing me, we are both crying together, mourning.
“Hope she makes you as happy as you made me.”
She lets go of my hand, gets up and looks me in the face one last time before leaving me behind forever.
The inspiration for writing this, Say Goodbye by Chris Brown.